I hate spiders....with a passion. I feel the need to get that out of the way at the beginning to clear up any confusion about my choice of blog titles. Spiders are gross. Spider webs are no better because they simply indicate that a spider is in the vacinity, even though I can't see it - which, in actuality, is even worse than seeing the spider itself. A vacant spider web allows my overactive imagination to think about all the places that sneaky spider could be hiding, waiting for the perfect moment to unleash an attack on me - or worse yet, to crawl in my mouth as I sleep (let's all have a collective shudder at that thought). So why the shout out to spiders in my blog's title? It has to do more with the structure of the web itself than the eight-legged object of my fear that creates it. Think of a spider web. It truly is an amazing structure of interconntecting parts, delicately woven together to make a final product on which its owner will live. It takes time to build, with some parts of the web being pruned off when deemed to be detrimental to the overall structure. I like to think of the strands of a spider web as all the different people and events that make up our spider web-like lives - weaving together to create our unique experiences.
I once heard in a psych seminar someone equate life to a flow chart - first this happens and it causes something else to happen, and so on. I guess at some level I understand what the lecturer was getting at, but my first reaction was that this analogy was incredibly not true. Either that, or the lecturer had lived a far more organized and predictable life than I. My life (and the lives of most I kow) have been more like a drunkard's walk home - winding and clumsy, taking wrong turns and making corrections, stopping to rest, and sometimes getting to your final destination and realizing that you have no clue where you are - than a neat and orderly flow chart. And if you've ever watched a spider build its web, it looks like it's hanging on for dear life, as it attempts to create this masterpiece of nature. As much as many of us would like to think that our walk through life resembles John Wayne's supercool, supersecure, saunter, at times we are merely hanging on by the tips of our toes. And let's face it, like the spider web in the corner of the garage, life, too, invokes a tiny cringe of anxiety.
So, for me, there is no better analogy for my life than a spider web - ultimately a painstakingly marvelous wonder, created by the interconnection of the people and events I meet along the way and somewhat anxiety provoking. And I, like the spider, sometimes come close to falling off my labor of love, as I cling to it and continue to create more connections and memories. Additionally, I guess I could have called my blog, "My So-Called Life" but then I would have owed Claire Danes and Jared Leto royalites....and there's no room in the budget for that.
Another confession - I hate blogs. I have always viewed them as self-indulgent musings about things that no one cares about. It's the same beef I have with Twitter - I really could not care less that you are at the grocery store and now you are at Panera, and now you are at the gas station. Really...no one cares. This begs the question of why a self-proclaimed "blog hater" would start her own blog. Why me? My hatred of blogs was rooted in the one thing in which most hatred is rooted - ignorance. True, there are some blogs that are self-indulgent, petty, and just plain obnoxious. But the great thing about a blog is that it is what you make it. I'm not writing because I think that I live an extraordinary life that everyone must know about or that I have the insightful answers everyone is looking for - in fact, I bet I will be able to count on one hand the number of people who actually read my blog (and Sampson, Daniel's dog, does not count). My blog is for me...for my memories....a fossilization of my spider web, so to speak.
Why now? My inspiration to start my own blog came from two sources: 1) a friend of mine (who is a far superior writer than I) has a blog that I have been following for a little time now. Although separated by an ocean, I feel his blog allows me to stay in touch with what's going on in his life and how he is doing. As someone separated from a significant number of my friends, I hope this may be a way to keep those near and dear to me abreast of what's going on down here in the Lonestar State....and in a more meaningful way than the random wall post on facebook. 2) I run a therapy group in whch the members' weekly homework assignment is to jounral. Today we discussed the importance of journaling close to when an event occured, because time has a way of eroding the details of the event and the emotions. Our minds change the specifics of the experience, usually to our benefit. Given enough time, some memories, even those events and people we thought we'd never forget, get washed away like a sandcastle on the beach. This is my way to keep those memories alive.
There are certain things I can promise you about my blog:
1) There will be typos and grammatical errors....they are my pet peeve and yet they always show up sooner or later...my version of literary karmic justice
2) Some days the entry will be insightful....and somedays it won't....some days the deepest insight I have is that Ron Burgundy was right - milk on a hot day is a bad decision.
3) I will forget to write at times - I have one diary that has spanned my teen years and my 20s - and I think I used about 10 pages. I finally admitted that I am far to lazy to keep up with a journal....but a web journal might be within my range of doable endeavors.
4)You probably won't find too many quote-worthy passages...and I mean quote-worthy as in "worthy of stitching on a pillow." The exception being that I tend to make up words and quote other quote-worthy individuals....right now my favorite expression is "mustache eyebrows" to describe bushy eyebrows....it's not my phrase so feel free to use it.
5) I will quote movies....a lot.
When I read the above expectations I realized how self-depracating it sounds! Way to set the bar low! But the point is this - my blog is intended to be my recollections and interpretations of the amusing array of characters who I have the pleasure of interacting with and the wonderfully unique events that we rush by and fail to notice. In my desire for a creative writing outlet, I briefly considered writing a fiction novel, but quickly realized that real life, in all its wonderfully minute human moments, is far more entertaining, funny, heart-wrenching, uplifting, and sobering a story than can ever be imagined. I guess this is why I adore reading biographies. I guarantee there will be entries that make for good insomnia reading. But I also guarantee you will snort with laughter at least once.....yes, snort.
So that's my blog in a nutshell. Love it, hate it, could care less about it - it is what it is. And like the spider web, it will likely be a little spastic and chaotic, but (I hope) that will only enhance its loveliness.
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